Status.

My Facebook statuses are the windows to my soul filled with mainly lyrics and quotes. Here's what facebooking through 2010 has taught me and my 860 friends through a series of comments.

1. Eventually one of two things will happen; he'll realize you're worth it or you'll realize he isn't.

2. One man's trash is the next man's treasure

3. I got chills, they're multiplying & I'm losing control. Cause the power you're supplying, it's ELECTRIFYING! You're the one that I want.

4. Love the life you live. Live the life you love.

5. When people kiss, their level of cortisol drops, which reduces stress. Bring on the smooches for finals week!

6. I don't understand why people try to holler & then get butt hurt when you pay 'em no mind. Does it really help you swallow the sadness of rejection by yelling "Bitch" after I've walked away without even looking at you once? Sometimes I wish I had a gun and an outstanding alibi, I'd do wonders for the world or for women living in the tenderloin who still have their dignity.

7. No city invites the heart to come to life as San Francisco does. Arrival in San Francisco is an experience in living. Baby I'm back!

8. When I see an open door, close your eyes, clear your heart, cut the cord. Wave goodbye, wish me well, you've got to let me go...

9. Put my foot on the gas for the first time in two years. It feels amazing.

10. Love is like an hourglass, filling up the heart as the brain empties.

Thank You Now.

I'm tired of all you skeletons in my closet because even though you're dead to me there will be moments where you will creep through the shadows & come out to haunt me. You're alive in your own ways and you walk the same face of the earth as I do. I wish the world was big enough for the both of us and on most days it is. You're dead to me but it's apparent that I'll never be dead to you...

I'm live.

Check my lifestyle. Click through my photos. Read the blog. Hear it through the grapevine. Do what ever it is you gotta do to take a peek at this life of mine. I'm alive and doing well for myself. I'm nothing like I used to be but still it's always been just me. I'm living on the brink of turning 21 and i'm flipping the world upside down on it's head so it can feel what I feel for a second, the euphoria. This constant state of surprise; pleasure at the start of each new day and the pain of how twenty-fours just doesn't seem like enough. Life is for living so I got up and I lived it. I hopped on a jet plane with a couple quarters and a handful of dreams in search of something I never knew was out there for me. I got my second chance of life so I thank you. I hit rock bottom and it's not like they say it was gonna be. It's soft, it's comforting, and everyone that's real shows face but the most amazing thing of all is if you get to hitting it hard enough, you bounce back up further than where you were before. I bounced. I'm sky high and I can't even remember what it feels like to be on the ground anymore. No room for baggage when you're accelerating up at such a speed. So no, I don't miss you. And that's real talk. I'm glad I met you but that's all the emotion I have left from that long ago girl I used to be. I appreciate the insight you've given me into this life, for setting a solid foundation that I won't fall back on but which I need to support the skyscraper I'm building. I've become the architect and I'm creating this masterpiece that you can marvel at later. Ride up the elevator to the top most floor, stand there on the ledge, marvel at everything below you, take a picture, make it last longer if not forever. But always keep it moving because I'm not sure you can keep up. I'm too hard of an act for you to follow. The bandwagons full but you can try to run behind it if you really feel compelled to grab a piece of this life I'm devouring. I'm not doing this for vengeance. Revenge isn't sweet, success just tastes delicious.

'They say the doors open up as soon as you find the missing key...'

Firework.

I'm writing posts over posts of blogs and hiding them behind the scenes of this website. Could it be that I'm actually too shy to hit "Publish Post" and let you see me? Writing is a socially acceptable form of getting naked in public. And it seems I've truly understood what it means to reveal yourself to a world of others; others who may misunderstand, others who may mock you in a crowded room, others who may steal your ideas, others who will hate you for the verbal carnage you spew. But among the others are a select few who may find inspiration behind the stories, the art, & the wrath, who seek wisdom behind your lines and words, who value what has to be said, who understand that it is written.

This one's for you.

I'm just your average girl, making your average everyday choices. To go to school or not go to school? Which jacket; which shoes? To date this boy or that one? Red pill, blue pill? I've made a choice to become more of a woman. I've made a choice to be my own light that fills up a room. But sometimes there comes a person who will swing by, take a liking to what they see, spark a firework inside of you in attempt to sweep me off my feet. More times than not it's a dud. They end up picking themselves up off the ground after getting bucked, dusting themselves off as they go because I'm looking for something that falls within certain margins they do not meet. This is my world. I want it the way I want it. It's my life so I can be picky and choosy over the hand that feeds me.

I've always been Independent. I got my own. So yes, I'll always fight over you washing my dishes in my house because you are my guest. I'll give you an evil smirk when you beat me to opening my own doors. I'll argue when you refuse to let me pay for anything. I don't like being baby'd. Chivalry is dead. I've accepted that. Every girl has. However, I will admit that it's nice to see that it exists and the gestures don't go unnoticed. I'll appreciate that you give me your coat without even asking if I feel cold. "You don't have to dote on me.... I'm not that kind of girl" yet you spoil me rotten anyway; whether I enjoy it or not.

He came around while I had distracted myself elsewhere. He caught a glimpse of her, something ignited. He put his best foot forward & followed it. Despite everything, he dropped it on a whim. Matchbox in hand he showed me a side of man that I knew nothing about and lit the sparkler, filling everything up with light. I can't get a grip or find a handle on how to hold such a thing. If I try to put my fingers around it, I'll burn. When it started I was in limbo and I had to make a choice. It took some distance for me to realize that I had fallen without even knowing I had stepped off the ledge because I saw something glowing in the distance. Now he's got me speaking in tongues that I thought I cut out of my throat, forcing me to realize that this life is a gift. But he doesn't know what he's opening. He doesn't have a clue at how many people had to sit on top of this case to zip it shut and like a fire without oxygen, the flame was put out.
There were no tears, there was no remorse, and I realized there has been no regret. From it I was changed and I had nothing to lose from choosing the path I chose. I have nothing to lose in repeating it once again. But I don't want to fall into relationship repetition; fighting arguing sadness crying, etc.
Futuristically speaking, we may never work. No matter how bad I would want it to. Don't blow wishes on my lashes because they may never come true. It's going to take too much effort out of me to tell you otherwise. You're not wrecking any homes. You aren't causing me pain. We're setting ourselves up for disaster. I'm gonna try to save you. But it's hard when I can barely save myself from falling into your clutches because it's familiar, it's different, it's where I know I've always belonged. It's a burning. It's a desire. It's a flame.
Now it's like everything is on fire.