99 Problems.

What if what I think is great but isn’t as great as something greater?

Because I found what I thought was great. He sits there and does the things that makes me mad, says things that make me smile, and wipes up all the mess my mind spills out like carnage when I’m in the worst of phases because he's a good friend. He tells me not to fall but I trip anyway knowing full and well the consequence that I may just land face first on the asphalt. He appears out of thin air and it’s as if all the pieces fall into place; but always, always just for the moment because we have our own things to do. Because when something else comes along He disappears just as quickly. I threw him into the closet along with all the clothes that just came freshly laundered to make space for us on the bed and pretended like I never even knew his name because for now what's great is what's laying next to me in the early hours of the morning keeping me warm. I could play this role well. I could execute it perfectly for quite a while. Because I dig my nails into your back like hooks and feed off you like the vampire I swear I am until you run dry. Because I can. Because this is college and I’m young. There are no strings attached. Fairytales don’t exist. And chivalry only reminds me of how he opens and closes my doors; just like you did last night and I gave you a sour face you couldn’t decipher after.

Today something inside me stirred rather uncomfortably. As much as I want to make this out to be greater than great it’s not. It’s plausible. Business-wise it’s probably a smarter choice. It’s got more footing, better standing, sits within the boundaries that I’m sure everyone would be happy with. It’s safe. Yet it drives a furiously loud car that makes me bite my lips when we ride. I can hear it coming from down the midway but it’s not what I’m used to. But it tastes different and leaves a stinging sensation on my tongue. Leaves me with a bittersweet goodbye that occurs with no promise of what’s going to happen to the pieces of the puzzle that I plan to leave unsolved. Because this is everything I never wanted.

As much as it makes this whole game difficult. As much as I hate the fact that I compare apples to apples and find out that their all just oranges. As much as I hate keeping these standards that high up where virtually no one has ever been able to cross... I guess above it all it is a great thing that's saving me. Above it all there's a friendship that can't be broken, there's love that I'll refuse to be ruined, there's someone whose not gonna let me forget why I'm here, doing what I'm doing.

So I'll just let 'em all go.