Time Capsule.

Almost ten years ago my sister and I filled two shoe boxes worth of our most important memories of the time and scheduled it to be opened in 2010. She's been bugging me every since New Years to open it and today happened to be the day.
I had just got back from our much needed LA joyride where I visited the happiest place on Earth where life was held on pause, uncomplicated my life just slight enough to make it seem ever more complicated now that it's "facebookly over," drove across the bridge bumping the classic bay slaps, lit up with the birthday boy at Ocean Beach and got instantly pulled into the whirlwind that is my college life as of this point.

I gave up drinking and red meat for Lent only because I felt thats what my Hindu side would want me to do, hung out with my mains at a bonfire the night before, attended a Holi function this morning and got doused in color and submerged back into my life. I came home and unpacked LA slowly. Trying to remember each event or memory as I threw all my outfits into the laundry bag and replaced every one of my seven pairs of shoes on the shelf where they belong.

I'm sitting on the bed in a mess of stuff that I previously used to own as a kid trying to think if the person that made this expected that a person like me would be opening it.

Inside I found a chess set from when I joined the chess club in the third grade because I was and STILL AM a complete nerd, thousands of cards and notes we exchanged in class from friends I barely remember, origami cranes I obsessed over, gag items like fake cigs, itching powder, instant bloody nose, and magic ink that I loved to use on unexpected family members. Harry Potter and Pokemon trading cards galore, toy cars I collected, pictures in tiny handmade frames, and other little trinkets I treasured.

This was my childhood in a box.
The mood ring became the most intriguing object inside the box. It was a token of one of the most unbreakable friendships I've ever owned. Currently I'm wearing it on my pinky because it no longer fits on my index finger where I used to wear it. The color fell somewhere between amber yellow and brown the second I put it on and has remained bouncing back and forth as such throughout this process.

This is what google and I decided that it meant; I'm always mixed up with my emotions; I feel one way and my mind reacts in another. It's the wonderful world of Nikita so naturally I'm cool and confused, always bold and forever rebellious. I'm bittersweet about being back in the bay after my trip into bliss this past week. I'm worried that things are changing and it won't be the same. Life's moving too fast and I'm anxious to see what tomorrow holds but I'm troubled because I'm trying to mull over today while still attempting to have a firm grip on yesterday. I have a rising energy that allows me to get out of bed in the morning and go out of my way to make at least one person's day via a compliment, a text, or an unexpected surprise visit.

The time capsule, all the pictures taken, and the way I feel at this point makes me realize that I was built to live off memories, both as a child and an adult. I live off the picture frames in my room, my charm bracelet and my green thermos I can't live without, the things he said & she said that I collectively quote in my phone, and even the receipt I keep on my calendar since you keep mine on yours. It's just the way I keep my mind from wandering and am able to stay within the realm of sanity and reality.

The previous night I fell asleep influenced by the herb in a bed I missed because it feels like I'm sleeping in a cloud, next to a girl whose become almost too close to me, like family. She's my therapist. My first "go-to" person for life's problems, mainly because she always prescribes the right antidote for my issues- a ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, words that help. "Just go with the flow" ends every one of our therapy sessions and that's what we've been doing. That night we talked about a series of events. We got back from LA and pulled back into my life all too abruptly. We're both quite content but not ecstatic about the situation of things. There is something that needs to be changed but I'm not sure what it is. I'm thirsty for these get-aways and we always get our way with them but it's an expensive hobby so it won't last long. I got to figure out how to manage the world on my shoulders rather than run away from all the stress.

Today I'm sitting recapping everything from past to present, and soaking it all in. I'm relaxing right now and preparing to take on an intense schedule that won't quit until the end of May. Because maybe that's what I need to do is take the effort and instead of running away from everything I'm gonna drag my feet, pick up speed and run into it all head first. Time is only wasting and I'm not waiting for the eventually will fall into place... Ten years from now I'll open up another time capsule and I'll see that the world unfolded just as it should have. Just as I wanted it to. I just need to go with the flow and breathe.