I'm sitting here closing my eyes, taking a deep breath and preparing to blow out yet another cake adorn with candles. The tradition calls for one to make a wish before they blow them out and at this moment I can't think of anything to wish for. World peace is out of my hands, global warming was last year's wish NOT come true, and for one who loves to live life on the edge to wish for my life to be perfectly put in place would only make it boring in the long run. I've got everything that I've ever wanted and for the most part I'm completely content with myself at the moment- apart from one thing that's been chewing at the sides and driving me insane. I can't doubt that I'm anything less than beautiful. I'm not saying this narcissistically or with great vanity, I'm not saying it because I've been told- I'm simply stating a fact that I've come to grips with- a fact we should all come to grips with- we are all beautiful. I was born with this face and I've been carved this body and neither disappoints the world at large. However, I long for something more along the lines of the respect a woman deserves and for someone to see something more than what meets the eye when you look at me.
Living in the small city of San Francisco I constantly walk about the streets and come in contact with many folks along the way- some strangers and others more familiar. No matter who they are I get the same up and down glance from most of them upon our first encounter. The look that most dogs give you when you're holding a juicy piece of meat and asking them to sit, roll over and play dead and they've completed each task, now waiting patiently for the prize. Yes, people look at me like I'm a piece of meat. (Most) Men look at women like their pieces of meat so tender and juicy they can't help but drool and leave us with a feeling nothing short of self-worth-lessness. Yes, it is biological and is linked to pheremones and the like but it can also be controlled so mind your manners. Granted some women feel great when they walk out of the house and men catcall after them, whistling, honking horns, and even following them down a few paces with an "Excuse Me Miss"- I'm certainly not one of them and don't believe I ever have been. Some women gain self-esteem and feel an increase in self-worth. I feel the complete opposite.
Living in the small city of San Francisco I constantly walk about the streets and come in contact with many folks along the way- some strangers and others more familiar. No matter who they are I get the same up and down glance from most of them upon our first encounter. The look that most dogs give you when you're holding a juicy piece of meat and asking them to sit, roll over and play dead and they've completed each task, now waiting patiently for the prize. Yes, people look at me like I'm a piece of meat. (Most) Men look at women like their pieces of meat so tender and juicy they can't help but drool and leave us with a feeling nothing short of self-worth-lessness. Yes, it is biological and is linked to pheremones and the like but it can also be controlled so mind your manners. Granted some women feel great when they walk out of the house and men catcall after them, whistling, honking horns, and even following them down a few paces with an "Excuse Me Miss"- I'm certainly not one of them and don't believe I ever have been. Some women gain self-esteem and feel an increase in self-worth. I feel the complete opposite.
There is a person here. A real person. A person so deep that staring hard enough at my chest and seeing nothing more than my DD cups can't and won't tell you shit about me. And I'm sure many women feel the same. I'm sick of being a constant object of lust because its starting to come at a heavy price- my dignity. You're attention seems to be focused on one thing and one thing only and I think we all know what that is. That isn't going to happen because I'm simply not that easy. I'm an open person and I tell you the do's and the don'ts straight up. I'm indescisive but I know exactly what I want and when I want it. For those who have known me for months or years I open up as easy as a Guide for Dummies book and become quite simple. To the less familiar I'm complex and hard to predict. But as you get to know me you understand the mad workings of my brain. I do what I say and I say what I feel. It's easy to make your place in my heart and it doesn't take much. And you get there through conversation.
So we sat there that evening and we smoked hooka- the perfect ending to every perfect night. We talked about things I don't think I could talk to many people about. It's great to have someone that feels you and makes you feel like they're almost at the same level. Or maybe even surpassing it. For a while now I've believed that I'm not on the same page as everyone else- tonight I realized I'm not alone and that I'm passing up chapters compared to everyone else. Thanks to the GATE program we read alot faster than most. To make my head even bigger than it previously was she called to wish me Happy Birthday and told me the greatest thing I heard all day. Sir Isaac Newton has the same birthday. So I googled it and it is dispu
tible whether his birthday is actually January 4th or December 25th. Apparently the google doodle on January 4th was only commemorating his birth but isn't the real date. Regardless, I know she told me this for a reason. One of the greatest scientists man has ever come to know shares something with me. And my mind grew to maximum capacity. The apple hath fell from the tree and hit me on the head hard. My reality has just been checked. That girl's got a brain on her. Teachers, parents, friends and others have said this about me. And I never understood how much of a brain I actually have. Until now.
tible whether his birthday is actually January 4th or December 25th. Apparently the google doodle on January 4th was only commemorating his birth but isn't the real date. Regardless, I know she told me this for a reason. One of the greatest scientists man has ever come to know shares something with me. And my mind grew to maximum capacity. The apple hath fell from the tree and hit me on the head hard. My reality has just been checked. That girl's got a brain on her. Teachers, parents, friends and others have said this about me. And I never understood how much of a brain I actually have. Until now. As a child my parents molded me into being the perfect student. I love to read the random stuff most people my age don't ever look at. I crave knowledge like a fat kid craves a chocolate cake. I'm not a brilliant pianist or the all star jock of a team- my talent is learning and I'm a real point dexter. It always has been my strong suit. Everything, every subject I set my mind to melts into my brain cells and makes my brain stronger. I'm brilliant and this I have known. My vices get the best of me most days just as they do to many college students. Now, in 2010 the dawn of a new year I'm going to tap back into my skills and be the best I can be. I'm going to exercise the one and only muscle that matters in this world- my brain. I'm going to take the world my storm and seize everything in sight and apply, apply, and apply my entire mind and soul to knowledge. Just at this point I know I've got one up against everyone else my age but I want more, I need more.
I'm not going to sit around and play video games or facebook all day long. I'm not in college just to waste time and be a trophy wife for some rich kid that inherited daddy's money in the future like our culture dictates. I'm going to be the brains of my entire family operation and I'm going to be the girl out the ghetto that made it all on her own. The rose that grew from concrete and excelled to the greatest heights. I'm going to be the one you always remember and look up to. I've got the biggest shoes to fill but there's no doubt in anyone's mind that I'll be able to fill them. The one standing next to me better come prepared and step his game up because I'm not settling for anything less then the best because it's what I deserve. I've come a long way and the journey continues. I'm empowered right now and that's the best way to start a new year. I'm beauty and brains all in one and it's going to be an amazing ride. A life worth telling a story about.
I'm not going to sit around and play video games or facebook all day long. I'm not in college just to waste time and be a trophy wife for some rich kid that inherited daddy's money in the future like our culture dictates. I'm going to be the brains of my entire family operation and I'm going to be the girl out the ghetto that made it all on her own. The rose that grew from concrete and excelled to the greatest heights. I'm going to be the one you always remember and look up to. I've got the biggest shoes to fill but there's no doubt in anyone's mind that I'll be able to fill them. The one standing next to me better come prepared and step his game up because I'm not settling for anything less then the best because it's what I deserve. I've come a long way and the journey continues. I'm empowered right now and that's the best way to start a new year. I'm beauty and brains all in one and it's going to be an amazing ride. A life worth telling a story about.
One day you're life is going to flash before your eyes- I'm going to make sure that mine is worth watching.
Moment of honesty.
Someone's gotta take the lead tonight.
Whose it gonna be?
I'm gonna sit right here and tell you all that comes to me.
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