“Eventually you’re gonna have to get over this emo shit” and that was all he said and that was all that needed to be said.
It wasn’t the usual ‘Cry-On-My-Shoulder' speech about “I’ll always be there for you through thick and thin, there are better days ahead, or everything happens for a reason.” No. It wasn’t the as ruthless as “You’re being stupid, the end. Now pull yourself together” speech. No. It was the simple fact that -Yes, I’ll have to get over this emo shit and learn to stop depending on others for happiness and start relying on my own source. I'm going to have to learn to depend on me...
I, the word most commonly used in conversation and the epitome of our ego. What is I? Who am I? And how is it that I have the right to describe, distinguish, and decipher who it is that I am. Because honestly, I do not know what I may be like to other people. I can have a narcissistic view point of myself and think that I am a good person but the guy next door may not think I’m anything more than a bitch. I can lack self-esteem and believe that I have a fucked up life but the girl reading this blog may think of me as a hero. I can know deep down in my heart that I love you and you may never know. I can loathe you and envy you but the placid smile across my face may never reveal the glimmering jealousy within. The “I” that I view myself as, or the “I” that you see yourself as, can and most often is the I that people do not see at all.
Throughout our lifetimes we as humans try to establish the meaning of each of our own I’s. Pardon me if this gets confusing. Our parents and teachers try to develop us culturally and socially as great I’s that we can be. Our enemies, our neighborhoods and our vices can implement the I’s that can become dangerous and unhealthy to our well being. However, we are on a constant struggle to realize what this I means and we use the word to describe ourselves every day. “I look better in gold” or “I do care for the environment” and “I’m the best person for this position.” I is a term that we try to define but it constantly changes and we constantly wish to change it in order to better ourselves or prevent the same mistakes. The people I call my friends change, the places I go transform, the things I see vary from time to time, day by day, moment by moment. The many I’s of me and you change and we may not realize whether it was for better or worse until we take a moment to look back and see which path, good or bad, we have trend upon.
This is a common problem that many people face during their graduation ceremonies, mid-life crisis, on their death bed, or even at random moments. “I am a smoker, “so you quit. “I was a bad child,” so you try to be nicer to your parents. “ I didn’t do so well in school,” so I’m going back to improve. “I was single, then I was married, now I’m divorced with three kids.” Throughout each of the stages of life and even through the course of a few days to weeks the I’s that we are change and we become the I’s and you’s we never thought we would be.
Who are you today?
