A Lesson in Forgiveness

We argue and we yell. We hate people. We call them names and we act racist. We commit crimes of hatred against one another and we go against someone’s will and trust. We act on impulse, we act without thinking, we act to avenge and gain revenge. We act in the presence of evil to help us feel better, to help us cope, to help relieve our sadness. We react too strongly and we each cause a lot of pain and suffering on ourselves in the future and for others at the present moment. As humans we are meant and allowed to make mistakes but we are also meant to love and be compassionate. As animals we would rather not forgive and stay malicious. We would choose not to let go of mistakes and avenge them. We rather see the other in pain- take a limb for a limb and an eye for an eye- but it’s not right. After all it was Mahatma Gandhi’s wise words that said “If we practice an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, soon the whole world will be blind and toothless.” We want to hold onto our grudges because we feel angered by the mistakes of another person. As creatures we hurt others sometimes almost daily in the littlest and biggest of ways. As helpless beings we hold onto these mistakes and try to never forget or forgive what has been done to us. As believers we are made to forgive and be forgiven. As dreamers we would hope our mistakes can be made up. As people we all make mistakes but refuse to forgive people for theirs when the time comes.
I know about mistakes all too well because I’ve made many in my life but I continue to learn and hope to be forgiven. On the other hand people have brought mistakes onto me and gone against me many times. I can hold onto these grudges with all my might but in the end I forgive- out of love for human, self and for God. Forgiveness does not come easy and it takes time to heal wounds of any size and there is a price to pay but it isn’t impossible- it can be done.
“We must trust God to do the work in us that needs to be done so that the forgiveness will be complete.” (About.com)
And I’ve learned to trust in God more and more every day to help heal and fix mistakes made in the heart. To me what I did may not seem like a serious mistake but the way that it may have hurt you can be unbearable and I need to know that, I need to know a mistake has been made so that I can fix it, so that I can want to fix it. I can’t read your mind and I can’t help you forgive me if I do not know about how bad it has hurt you. Forgiveness takes two. It takes understanding and it takes time because there are many aspects to it, it is complicated. It also takes a power of will so strong that it can be trying on one’s heart. It is a process by which you must console and be willing to be consoled. You must reach out to places you may not want to reach out. And you may have to step down to a level that you don’t want to be on or step up to a level and face the facts in cold blood.
Forgiveness is a selfless act of love and compassion for another being. “To me [forgiveness] is finally letting go of the resentment felt towards [a] person for betraying whatever trust there was before...” (Anez Narayan) It is a way to restore trust so that you can move on and make the relationship stronger and more solid and also to have peace of mind. It is the first step on the road to redemption and it can be fulfilled even though at times it may seem impossible. It’s about forgetting and moving on from the mistake that has been made and to let go of the grudge that you’re holding on to.
We learn about forgiveness early on. As children we are told (sometimes forced) to say sorry for being mean to our siblings, taking something without asking, or talking out of turn. While writing this I watched my seven year old brother doodle battle scenes with monsters and I figured I should ask him this same question. His reply is as priceless as it gets: “what’s the word again…oh right, forgiveness. It’s like saying can I have that back please… like can I take it back. It’s like you weren’t paying attention like you forgot. So you want it back now.” Yes, it’s exactly like that- can I take back what I did because I forgot to think about how it may or could have hurt you. I made a mistake because I wasn’t paying attention to the consequences that could follow. So you ask for forgiveness for the mistake you’ve committed and hope that person can open up a part of their heart to let you back in.
Forgiveness is about renewal. It’s about cleansing your karma for the betterment of life. Because life is about enjoying the wonderful things that it has to offer. It’s about smiling and laughing and creating memories filled with love and warmth and not to dwell in the cold heard hatred of sorrow and deceit. It isn’t something that comes quickly but something we have to work on until the heart is healed to its full potential so that it beats brand new again. It must be continued and followed up until it is settled with a loving smile and a heartfelt hug. “It means you are ready to put the past behind you and give the person another chance to prove to you they were worth that second chance.” (Krishna Waland)
Forgiveness is about acceptance. Accepting human nature and the fact that we are able to make mistakes as well as be able to fix them. It is about accepting that people can hurt and be hurt by our actions. It is about learning. You learn to be stronger. You learn to move on and live with joy. You learn the feeling of love and you learn the sound of laughter and the meaning of life.
Forgiveness is about healing. It’s about becoming a better person than you were before because you realized you were in the wrong and you don’t want to be back in that same position any other time. It’s about maturing as a person and developing a broader sense of compassion. It doesn’t make you bigger or smaller it makes you equal. It makes you a human.
When asking for forgiveness you are vulnerable. Your heart is fragile and it’s calling out to be heard by your ears and for you to know that you are willing to fight for this friendship. It shows that you are willing to show that you’re in this life for a reason. It’s showing that you were misled and now you are on the right path again. Forgiveness is showing your true colors aren’t as drab as they had once appeared to be and that they are vibrant and full of life. It is a moment of truth that stands out and shines so brilliantly it breaks through the barrier of hatred surrounding your heart. It shows that you have feelings that are more than skin deep for a person and you continue to want them in your life. Forgiveness is more than saying sorry. (Anna Farris in Just Friends) It is about living up to what has been forgiven. For showing how glad you are for being forgiven every day- by not committing the same mistake again, living up to your promises, and wishing for a better day tomorrow for the two of you. Because tomorrow is always a better day and it is worth seeing through unprejudiced eyes and a heart filled with love not broken with the pain of sorrow.

My favorite quotes on Forgiveness:
It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself. –Eleanor Roosevelt
Look into your heart and you’ll find love. – Jason Mraz
Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, because hate in your heart will consume you too. –Will Smith
Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world. - Buddha
To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it. –Confucius

Thank you to all who helped put in their insight to making this blog possible: Akshay Patel, Anez Narayan, Jasmyne Patel, Kaylan Patel, Krishna Waland, Nisheet Shah, Sheetal Tandel and Sheyna Patel.

"Forgive us our trespass as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil"

Hangover.

Hungover.
The worse moments of my life compiled in one awful headache. A night filled with great memories but a morning filled with the reality that life is still here, just as you left it. Nothing’s changed even though you’d hope that with each shot it just might. Nope, my life is still here in shambles and pieces, nothing is put together as it should be, as I left it. So I toss my cookies over the garbage can and get rid of the poison that’s been brewing inside me but that doesn’t help shake off the reality that I did this to myself. These are the moments where I begin to realize I’m alone again fighting this war. Although some may find being alone calming, peaceful, serene and a time of great relaxation- it’s everything but that for a person like me who uses communication with others to relieve my stress, who needs person to person contact to understand that life is worth living, who needs to tell her stories because if they aren’t heard they’ll be bottled up inside and the little voices will change and alter them into my worst nightmares. Yup, this is the mind of menace.
My phone is my biggest problem. After all the ugly stuff of the hangover you check your phone and see the missed calls from worried friends, the unanswered calls from those few people you need the most but who could care less about you, and the text messages of people who are confused as to why they received “hy, cin u biiing my kieys oustidee..” when they’re 200 miles away from you. Yes, the phone is my worst enemy at times like these because the little demons come out and tell me stories of what I should do and how I should think and Viola! You leave people with a sense of confusion and people leave you with the notion that you’re nothing but a complete drunk. And you feel like a fool. I’ve thought about quitting many times. I can do bad all by myself without any liquid courage and just be myself. I can feed off the energy of others to feel whatever I wanna feel and be whatever I wanna be. But it never pans out because it shows up at every party ready for you and only you.
I’m starting to think that I have a problem and it’s only beginning to get worse. I’ve realized I’ve lost everything from my past relationship in high school- friends, family, fun. I realize I’m trying to fit into a margin somewhere in the middle when I was built to live on the edge. Fitting into the Indian culture that makes me who I am is a lot harder than it seems. I’ve got to put up with the evil stares, get rid of the supposed ‘bad images’ that people think I have, and fit into everyone else’s idea of what I should be. And somehow find peace and wholesomeness through this. And although I could do it, I won’t because I’ll just keep turning my head back to the girl I used to be, the girl who ended up getting trapped inside her own body and locked up in a straightjacket of an Indian conformist. I’ve got the shell of an Indian and the blood of a Mexican and it’s not my fault! I’m the victim of circumstance who ended up being given this life and try to fix it into happiness in the end- like it was a challenge from God. Well, isn’t that what life is? A challenge from God. It’s like He gives you the nails, the hammer, the boards, and the bricks and expects you to put it together into a perfect house that matches his blueprint in the end. If it is built to absolute perfection you’re access to heaven is granted. If not, to hell with you. My house gets built every Monday to Thursday when my friends help me put it together and I feel great but by Friday and Saturday the liquid pours, the old me comes out to feed on the world, and by Sunday morning my house has been burnt to the ground.
The main point is I feel out of place and it’s beginning to tear me apart. I’m going to be a genius one day and I feel like this tearing is going to break me so that I never even get to that point. I want the happy ending, I want the love story, I want the world at my feet but this crazy person inside me won’t let me live in the way I need to in order to have it. Ultimately, I may seem like I know what I’m doing. I may to seem to be having the happiest and most wonderful time of my life wherever I go but it’s everything but that. I’m struggling day by day. And that’s the reality. It’s the sad truth that comes back to haunt me after the night is over and the hangover at daybreak brings me back into the light that is my life.

"I wanna heal, I wanna feel. Like I'm close to something real. I wanna find something I've wanted all along...Somewhere I belong"