The Sundae of My Demise

I packed up everything that you asked for.
As I was running up and down the stairs, the memories flying up through the carpet, whispering from the walls and embedded in the air, it slowly ate me alive. Ok that's just too dramatic! It was sad, period. It's not just the thought of you moving that's fucking me up. It's everything around it. Everything that's happening around me has become the foundation of my emotional overdrive lately. Each issue piling on high like the layers of a mountain high cake. And you, the cherry on top of the sundae of my demise.

I got drunk way too fast. Captain Mo chased down with a fabulously lousy Four Loco being my recipe for disaster. I thought it'd be awkward hanging out with old friends again but it wasn't. I thought it'd be weird walking into the building, going up the elevators, and chilling just doing my thing. But it wasn't at all. It was welcoming much like it always has been. Only thing was that a part was missing. I guess this is just how it's going to be. How it's got to be. I had a talk with a "more than just a friend" friend of yours. And I've come to a realization that you both have emotions that run more than just skin deep and compassion for each other that's been covered up by misunderstanding. I'm trying to be the guardian angel of all sorts and am attempting to bring everyone together. It's been alot harder than I thought. Apparently, we all have tons of issues with our EMOTIONS that we can't seem to deal with. Our ego's are the size of 18 wheelers and we can't seem to get around them. We act like we are the bigger person but really we're standing less than 2 feet tall. I'm trying to find the slivers of happiness between the thick lines of hate and the search is harder than finding a needle in a haystack.

We've got the lives of average teenagers. It's a cycle we all go through. A process everyone can relate to. And it's inevitable. We've gone through our break ups, lost friends, gained friends, had crushes, been rejected, got a fat pimple the day before a big event, and moved forward into maturity each and every day. We've turned the page and lived for the tomorrow that's coming. Soon we'll all be turning 20 (or 19)! We're getting closer to the "adulthood" we've been raised for. We'll be expected to do certain things and act in certain ways and treat each other different, maybe even better. Ultimately, we'll have to get over it. Over any hurdle that comes in our path, over the obstacles life sets in front of us, over the hardships that God challenges us to face.

I apologize for the tone of these entries lately. My mind is in a dark place. Due to my emotions and stress I feel unwell. And yes, I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown. I'm coming out of my denial and standing up to the light and letting it be known. The wrath of the menace is seizing a hold stronger than I thought and the demon in my soul has awoken with venom in its veins. I guess you have to hit rock bottom before you can climb to the top again.

I haven't posted pictures on my blog recently because yes there's been a change. The pictures and the memories that come alive through them don't mean the same thing that they used to. I've been assured by some that things are getting better slowly. Time is the healer of all wounds and only time will tell what's real and what's not. I hope it's all gonna be okay. For the sake of sanity.

"And some people got problems man. They got awful complications. Other people got perfect situations, with no provocation. But don't we all, don't we just got to give a little time. Maybe give a friend a call instead of making him confused. What a terrible thing for you to do. What an awful thing for you to say"

-Confused by Jack Johnson