rt is. It is where the writer comes out from the wrath and it's a point in time where I, the menace, can finally breathe again. Living in the Tenderloin has never felt like a home but it's a place where I am comfortable. A place where I fit into my own skin. I can be anything I want- I can cry, kick, scream, and laugh. Sing like no ones listening and dance like no ones watching. Say what I want or not say anything at all. Act a fool and all without feeling an ounce of regret, without a criticizing glance or judgemental minds. It's a place where I can just be me. A place where I sort through my issues and see what my next move should be. When I hugged each person goodbye I took part of their spirit with me because I know I'm gonna need strength to face this cold and dark lonely night. As I sat waiting for the bart train at Macarthur station I contemplated on the weekend and the confusion an
d anger burns through my body like hard liquor spilling down your throat. I don't like showing that I'm sensitive even though that's what I am. I can compose myself in front of the crowd for the sake of everyone's well being because NOT causing attention to yourself is the right thing to do. I've put the old Nikita, the one who did all the wrong things, in a grave six feet under but the ghost lingers on my shoulder and is waiting for its chance at revenge. The new nikita is the improved version but that Miss Nice Girl routine is getting tired. I'm sick of keeping it real while sitting in a boat with no paddle in a sea of phonies. I'm sick of trying to keep up with you when your tripping me purposely to make me fall behind this race. If feeling this way is being on your level then I'm taking off to the next page and closing the book on the chapter your still stuck on.
d anger burns through my body like hard liquor spilling down your throat. I don't like showing that I'm sensitive even though that's what I am. I can compose myself in front of the crowd for the sake of everyone's well being because NOT causing attention to yourself is the right thing to do. I've put the old Nikita, the one who did all the wrong things, in a grave six feet under but the ghost lingers on my shoulder and is waiting for its chance at revenge. The new nikita is the improved version but that Miss Nice Girl routine is getting tired. I'm sick of keeping it real while sitting in a boat with no paddle in a sea of phonies. I'm sick of trying to keep up with you when your tripping me purposely to make me fall behind this race. If feeling this way is being on your level then I'm taking off to the next page and closing the book on the chapter your still stuck on.The emotions this weekend have finally spilt over the brims of my eyes. I've finally lost my words and feelings for just about everyone. My helpless grip of compassion remains in hopes of salvation from this insanity that I'm living in. Since when did the world fall onto my shoulders?
I've got some decent friends who until this point I've adored wholeheartedly. I've taken them as they are with their flaws and perfections. But my heart's been shatted by the knife you're secretly stabbing through my back as you lean to give me the last hug. It's a sucker punch, a blow from the backside, it's unexpected. It's also quite shocking to hear coming from your mouth.
I have a few good friends that I hold high against the world and who I'd do anything for. I'd stand next to you in an
y fight. I'd let you lean on me in times of need. I'll fly across the country to come visit or run my ass to catch your show. I'd leave you be if that's what you wish. I'll let you give me bruises and scars from random drunken nights. I'll give you advice if your not sure what to do. I'll plan surprise birthday dinners for you because I know it'll make you happy. I'll put your pictures all over the wall just to be reminded of you. I'll spend the night if your scared to be alone. I'll forgive you for any mistake. I'll take random anthropology classes with you just so you won't die of boredom alone. I'll let you confide in me your deepest secrets. I'll crash picnics! Heck! I'll even pack up yo
ur stuff and bring it to you with noserings in hand because I know you lost the last pack I bought. These are the ones I care about. These are the ones who I hold dear. These are the ones who mean everything to me and who I'm afraid to lose especially over stupid drama and jealousy. You simply can't measure the love I have for them against your own plain skin. [hint hint: Move On!] Recent months have made me a changed person. The old me still remains beneath the skin and some times her venom pours out as it is now. I'm trying to contain it as hard as I can.
I have a few good friends that I hold high against the world and who I'd do anything for. I'd stand next to you in an
y fight. I'd let you lean on me in times of need. I'll fly across the country to come visit or run my ass to catch your show. I'd leave you be if that's what you wish. I'll let you give me bruises and scars from random drunken nights. I'll give you advice if your not sure what to do. I'll plan surprise birthday dinners for you because I know it'll make you happy. I'll put your pictures all over the wall just to be reminded of you. I'll spend the night if your scared to be alone. I'll forgive you for any mistake. I'll take random anthropology classes with you just so you won't die of boredom alone. I'll let you confide in me your deepest secrets. I'll crash picnics! Heck! I'll even pack up yo
ur stuff and bring it to you with noserings in hand because I know you lost the last pack I bought. These are the ones I care about. These are the ones who I hold dear. These are the ones who mean everything to me and who I'm afraid to lose especially over stupid drama and jealousy. You simply can't measure the love I have for them against your own plain skin. [hint hint: Move On!] Recent months have made me a changed person. The old me still remains beneath the skin and some times her venom pours out as it is now. I'm trying to contain it as hard as I can. It's sad to say that I let you have the power to break me down but like I said every little thing acts like the cherry on top of this sundae of my demise. And it's finally arrived. Here I am having a long and hard talk with you about how we need to stick together and be real with each other. How I care about your friendship and how concerned I am that you're not feeling well. Only to find out your just as bad as the rest. You're no different from those you say you hate. And your as quick to judge others as they are to judge you. Your envious, fradulent, and delusional at best.
Jealousy has never been a friend of mine. Growing up in a neighborhood like the one I'm from, it's hard not to be jealous at some point, wishing you had what others did and only dreaming of getting what you really want. However, you have what you have in this life because it is given to you or it's earned. You work hard to achieve what you recieve. Jealousy and envy are turn off traits and show that you have a lack of confidence and low self-esteem. I've put in alot of effort to get to where I stand today and I do it proudly with my head held high. You do so by talking shit and making everyone seem lower than yourself so you feel better when deep down your lousy. Friends that are envious don't belong in my life and can't be called friends at all. I've had a lot of run-ins with people like these and I just push them out of life so they don't even matter.
Jealousy has never been a friend of mine. Growing up in a neighborhood like the one I'm from, it's hard not to be jealous at some point, wishing you had what others did and only dreaming of getting what you really want. However, you have what you have in this life because it is given to you or it's earned. You work hard to achieve what you recieve. Jealousy and envy are turn off traits and show that you have a lack of confidence and low self-esteem. I've put in alot of effort to get to where I stand today and I do it proudly with my head held high. You do so by talking shit and making everyone seem lower than yourself so you feel better when deep down your lousy. Friends that are envious don't belong in my life and can't be called friends at all. I've had a lot of run-ins with people like these and I just push them out of life so they don't even matter.
The situations I'm in have messed up my emotional pysche to the max. I'm unsure of where to turn to and I'm not sure who I can trust. I'm not sure whose jealous or envious but I'll say that I feel bad for them. The balance of my life is thrown off and it sucks but brigther days are comign soon. Through this "drama" that's been stirring- I've been upset for a good por
tion of my labor day weekend. I've been in a constant uphill battle of upset and anger with a good friend of mine and kept 'em in the dark with how I feel. It's just because I don't know what to say and I'm not trying to say the wrong thing. I realized now what is important. Our happiness being together with our friends or my anger for you trying to tear us all apart.
tion of my labor day weekend. I've been in a constant uphill battle of upset and anger with a good friend of mine and kept 'em in the dark with how I feel. It's just because I don't know what to say and I'm not trying to say the wrong thing. I realized now what is important. Our happiness being together with our friends or my anger for you trying to tear us all apart. Revenge is sweet and karma's a bitch. I've got a lot more to lose than you do so learn the rules of the game before you start trying to play especially with me as your main opponent.
I got no time for haters and it's unfortunate that you turned out to be one. Hope you turn around from your shambled and shitty situation and find the truth within yourself.
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