EDUCATE ME NOW!

In the wake of a new semester that has been nothing but chaos to thousands and thousands of students, I found a moment to compose myself and explain to the best of my ability of WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?
Before today I didn't realize how bad the situation we've gotten ourselves into in the stage of California was. As I walked onto campus I could immediately feel the tense- students running frantically across campus, dozens of students jamming into small classes rooms looking for ways to add a class, and so many long faces from those who have to wait another semester more in order to graduate. San Francisco State University as well as other state universities across the board are no longer four-year institutions but rather bullshit-waste-of-a-year institutions in my book. Teachers take roll tediously making sure every name is called and quickly crossing off those who are absent in a flash, so they can add the next eagerly wait-listed student.
During registration over the summer I was morbid to see so many zero number of seats to classes I was dying to add for Fall 09. I figured I could walk on campus and add the ones I needed but as many of us found out- that's not the case.
English and Math- the two MOST needed classes in this country, in any field or career, and in schools, period. Here at San Francisco State, English took the most damage it seems, offering only a handful of sections for English 214 ( a pre-req to many majors and major classes needed by hopeful students ). They are simply not available and have "caps" as to how many students they are allowed to let in. Oh, and uhh so many sections were cut from English 214, i forgot to mention.
Student fees went up 32%, teachers are getting paid 10% less, and it's 100% ridiculous in the eyes of an aspiring scientist like myself as well as other students wanting to learn. So why and how is this happening to us? I'm not an expert because before today I never once looked at any article that said words such as "tax" "cut" "financial" "budget" because MONEY is evil and I hate it. However, it affects me and my livelihood as I have seen today and it affects everyone else too. So for all of those who don't know anything- READ, learn and EDUCATE yourself because the school system just isn't interested in letting you know the facts.

THE FACTS (that I'm explaining the best I can)

• San Francisco was hit the hardest by the budget cuts. Newsom signed a $6.8 million budget in July 2009. $2 million of that cut go to my beloved are of PUBLIC HEALTH. Where are they hitting hardest? "reducing operating room hours at San Francisco General Hospital and scaling back funding for nonprofit outpatient service programs for mental health and substance abuse."( Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/08/13/BARE129VFH.DTL#ixzz0PGVvyNVa") There is also some issues about Municipal Transportation funding being used for Newsom's employee payroll.
• Let's not blame ARNOLD for everything! I do think we could have got a better governor for our beautiful sunshine state but it's not entirely his fault. PROPOSITION 13 was passed in 1978, created by Howard Jarvis. It put a cap on property taxes for the state (the property tax could not exceed 1% of the value of the property.) It reduced the property tax by more than 50% annually. For years since Prop 13 was passed (by 2/3 majority) governors and the legislators of our once great state have tried to keep everything balanced for both the happiness of the Californians and Proposition 13. The balance has flipped and public schools are losing over 7 billion dollars and maybe another 5 billion more. We are cutting costs on the most important things society needs:

1. Health- to take care of our citizens and help them to see tomorrow
2. Law- to make sure that our citizen's well-being is taken care of and everyone is treated equal
3. Education- to educate our youth so they can help fix the problems and crisis today, tomorrow.

• There are 23 CSU campuses throughout California and over 22,000 faculty members who have agreed to take two unpaid days per month off. Welcome the CSU FURLOUGHS. You're off of school and so is your teacher but you are still required to follow up the online lecture (if there is one) and responsible for the material that would have been covered that day. WHAT IT MEANS- It means teachers are getting paid 10% less by taking this unpaid mandatory time off. Although a few extra days off may seem great to many students it's actually a real bummer. It puts our education out on the line- like it's been for a while now. We're required to keep the speed with LESS class time. Students will fall through the cracks and as the time goes we're only getting dumbed down more and more. The bright side? It's helping us with the budget. The furloughs can save up to $275 million out of the deficit of $584 million (partly caused by schools getting funded 20% less by the state). I haven't even started to talk about the 10 UC schools and 110 Community Colleges that are facing similar issues of equal magnitude through the state including a $6 fee increase per class, or something like that.
• What's more? SPRING ADMISSIONS to San Francisco State University are closed. Many of you who wish to transfer mid-semester and come to state for Spring- cannot. It is a closed semester. So if your in- Great! Sit down, have a seat (if you can find one in any class you choose) If your trying to get in during Spring (approx 35,000 students yearly), wait for Fall 2010 when there will be twice as many students trying to get in and barely any classes for any of us.

Altogether now- WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN!? Plain and simple to see-

1. Classes will be twice as full- creating a constrained learning environment for students and less one-on-one teacher to student, and a larger student to teacher ratio which is statistically proven to help students learn better when the ratio is kept low.
2. Less faculty- dozens of teachers have been laid off which results in less classes being offered. Less programs- for those who need special programs to help graduate, so sorry. Less services- that will help you with advising and counseling and even UNDERSTANDING what to do and how to do it.
3. Financial Aid: Less Money, More Money- Students were expected to pay a 32% increased student fee this year despite there were less classes and services offered. Financial aid packages have been cut which puts more students and their parents into the rut of all ruts. Students supporting themselves will have to work more hours meaning they'll have to cut down on class and study time- things they need in order to excel. Parents will spend less time with their kids and attempt to take in more work hours to fund their child's dwindling education. The concepts a bit backwards- spending more and receiving less? I thought so too. Such is life for a Californian student.

A friend and I recently had a quick conversation about what this all means- the pay cuts, the lay offs, school fees, etc. It means that in a world has come to an end. The sky is literally going to fall and the shit has hit the fan. Let's forget that we have these budget cuts not only in California but all over the country and world? We're forgetting a few key factors-

• The Millennium Development Goals which is a goal set out by 192 United Nation members and countless other organizations. It is a 8 goal system that plans to eradicate poverty throughout the world. Some of these goals include decreasing child mortality rates, fighting AIDS and other deadly diseases, end hunger and extreme poverty, educate at a primary level and build a global partnership.
• Peace in the Middle East? Has everyone forgotten about the war between Israel and Palestine that We (and United Nations) created back in the 1940s. Read up on it and learn if you don't already know. We have trouble in Iraq and Afghanistan that's now reaching Pakistan too. And we still haven't found Osama!
• Health Care across America sucks! Oh and I heard there's gonna be a huge epidemic in the Fall! BEWARE the Super Bugs have arrived and they're bloodthirsty.
• GLOBAL WARMING- I'm a science geek fanatic to the 7th power squared. And global warming is my thing. We are facing a huge problem in the world today and I know you've all heard about it. If not, educate yourself- watch The Inconvenient Truth! The ice shelves are indeed melting at an EXPONENTIAL RATE. Everyone took Algebra right? We know what EXPONENTIAL means? Let me paint you a picture- ICE CHUNKS the size of let's say RHODE ISLAND are melting away! Less land mass for our beloved polar bears- now officially an ENDANGERED animal. Does it not bother anyone that our children won't be able to see these magnificent animals 20 years from now? Go visit the fucking zoo and look at them- I didn't think much of em either but Hey! They're sick! Beasts! Oh, and if we keep using and consuming the way we do now- all the gasoline in this world will run dry in 50 years? That's right around the corner. Oh seafood fans, my 12 year old cousin has informed me that if we don't change our fishing habits here on Manhattan Beach Pier and all around the world- hmm we're gonna run outta tiger prawns & scrimps!

So with all those FEW KEY factors in mind (there are many more) there's more problems to fix besides just our state funding. And whose going to have to fix those problems? You guessed it! The young leaders of tomorrow- which is us, starving college students today. We are supposed to deal with all the issues mentioned above and more because they'll keep piling on as the years go by. And with so many kids dropping out of schools and less and less education being recieved- how are we supposed to have the tools we need to fix the situations we are in. California was once the state with the BEST education system around- number one in the country. It's the reason many of our parents chose to reside here. It's the sunshine state and it was once GOLDEN with opportunity. Now we have fallen from the top and are ranking close to the bottom in terms of education. We are STARVING to be taught, we crave KNOWLEDGE, and we want the skills we need to fix our world for the better! But how? When we aren't offered the tools to succeed? It's like we've been blindsighted at the start of a race and trying to find which way is forward in the dark.

It's unfair for all that our parents have worked hard for over the last 10, 20, 30 years. Most of our parents were immigrants to this country and I could ask any of them and the answer would be the same- America was the land of opportunity and they made it their home for the livelihood of their children. My parents made their home here so that I could have a better chance at an education than what they were ever given. They saved up money, started up funds when I was a child, and WORKED their ASSES off to see us go through with a brighter future. But what they're seeing is nothing more than a student who is angry about the lack of education, a city that plunges into the darkness, a state that has yet to see the light at the end of the tunnel, a country that fails to stand up tall and measure how great it once was, and a world that has crumbled upon itself. Meanwhile everyone waits for the savior to come and pick up the pieces. The savior isn't coming because this is reality, textbook science that has been predicted. A case of cassandra (google it, it's fascinating). It is us who have to pick up the pieces- we all just haven't realized it yet.

-the end.

STUDENTS:

Governor's phone number (916) 445-2841. Lodge your complaints. If we get hundreds to thousands of students complaining about the lack of classes, space, or education within the first weeks- we may get a response.

Governor's email- http://gov.ca.gov/interact#email Write him a letter and complain about the injustice.

Any other ideas or feedback you may have, can be posted as a comment below without signing up for anything ( i think) If that doesn't work, facebook me or email me at sia_patel@yahoo.com

Friend or Foe.

Something I stirred up a few nights ago:
What do you say when you don't know what's been said? What do you do when you don't know what's being done? And how can you tell whether the person your sitting next to will be your best friend today but biggest foe tomorrow?
I have a tattoo. A rose that turns into a snake interwined around an N.
"Seem like the innocent flower but be the serpent underneath" is a quote from Shakespeare's Macbeth and the inspiration behind why I got this tattoo- it's based on my personality.
I figured out a long time ago that being up front, to the point, and true is overated. Because when you are honest and real your only putting yourself up for disappointment and backstabbing.
Inside all of us, beneath all of us, is a snake just as conniving as the next. Our true colors are shameful so maybe that's why we hide them.
I've had countless best friends that nowadays I don't even use that word. No one in this world will ever be my best friend because countless times I've put myself out there only to be let down by the person I dare to call my BFF. Still I search for those few individuals who stand out among the rest, who intrigue me enough for me to want to take a closer look. These people who I find fit my personality best, who I can be myself around sin judgement, and who I can depend on in times of need. People who I don't have to lie too and who I can be real with because deep down that's all we're really craving- acceptance.
Their not my best friends rather just the "time-beings" and I hold on to them for dear life. They only exist for the time being because after one quick change of direction in the wind, one word unspoken, or even a foul glance maybe an argument if you're lucky- they'll change up, move on, and forget your ass in the dust. Leaving behind a few months, a year, or many years of memories and eyes full of tears because like all humans I feel the hurt and pain when you lose a friend. It's terrible and damaging.
So what exactly do you do here?
Are you supposed to jump on the bandwagon and plaster on that familiar fake smile, walk around, kiss and hug, and act like everything is A-Ok?
Come on people!? What crazy pills are we all on? How is it that we value friendships based on lies over friendships based on trust? What happened to the conventional way of dealing with things by just keeping it Straight Up!?
This is merely all figurative and doesn't have to deal with any particular situation. I'm just spitting out some emotion that's been tugging at my side all summer and even since last semester.
People say one thing to your face and act like they mean it. Turn around the next week say something else, do something else, to someone else. The news travels and before you know it, here you are stuck in the middle of a SECOND GRADER'S CATASTROPHE! The cycle has repeated itself all too much.
My emotions run wild as the sickness spreads and while I'm sitting here in beautiful San Diego I can't seem to find a cure to bring everyone together. You can't change people. You can't make them say what you want, feel what you want, or do what you want when you want it done. And this has been my biggest problem as a Control Freak!
All I really want is some peace of mind. I feel like everything changes every five minutes and I really can't keep up with the charades. I've got better things to do but I really rather be spending time with you in a carefree and relax state of mind. But that's not how it would be or will be. It's always gonna be confusing and complicated. I'm never gonna know what to say to you or how to say it. I'm never gonna be able to tell you how much I value your friendship and the time you spend with me because to you it'll serve as ammunition when you break me down to pieces. I can't express to you how much you mean to me and how I need you here because it'll only push you away and send you further. I can't talk things out with you because you'll call me crazy and repeatedly tell me nothing's wrong and I'm trippin.
I can't do anything but sit here & smile. Pretend like everything's ok when I know nothing is. And hope that one day soon everything will fall back into place and everything will be as it should. And we'll stop acting and actual be ourselves- real and upfront.
Because faking it is something I refuse to do anymore.
So when I text you goodnight it's because I mean it and that I thought of you individually. Something I do quite often while hoping your still thinking of me too.

Like Paula Abdul Said:

Straight Up Now Tell Me If You Really Wanna Love Me Forever...Oh oh ohh.

Or Am I Caught In A Hit And Run?

beautiful struggle.

Something I stirred up at 2am while thinking about the death of Alex V. and what it means to some of her close kin and how it would affect me if I were in their position. This girl was someone's sibling, daughter, best friend, lover, cousin, aunt, etc. To me she was a class mate, a fellow Mercy girl & I feel the loss. To many people, she was adored and loved. It's a tragedy when we lose someone we love. We should appreciate the life we've been given. It may not be there when we wake up tomorrow morning. This goes out to all of you...

Rest In Paradise Alex V.

Life is a beautiful struggle. It shouldn’t be taken for granted because it can be taken away with a blink of an eye. A struggle that can end without a warning. Without a chance to say goodbye. I can love you today . Be unable to hold you tomorrow. See our pictures melt as the tears roll out of my eyes and feel my heart fill up with the sorrow.
Of losing you. While the pain is unbearable, I try to remember the good times we shared. Feel like I’m going insane when I think about how things can never be the same-I’m scared. More fearful than I’ve ever been. Hoping that time won’t erase your face
From my memory. Now that you’re gone my life’s filled with misery. Honestly. I’m not sure how to pick up the pieces and carry on. It’s a tragedy.
Not having you here next to me. Waking up in the morning and just knowing you’re gone. Listen to the radio and it’s playing your song. I face reality. I’m stuck here. Without you.
It’s seems impossible to live. Death is a confusion to me and I’m trapped like it’s captive. My mind can’t comprehend what God must be thinking, how’d he come to such a decision. My heart grows weak because it knows something is missing.
From this picture. Of us, it’s still hanging on my wall. The scent of you still lingers. I hear your voice but it doesn’t have much to say at all. I’d give anything to feel your touch once again. Hold your hand. Let you know I’m here and that I understand.
What you’re going through. You were the best thing I ever had. I’d never take you for granted. Deep down I know you wouldn’t want to see me sad and filled with such pain. But these clouds above my head are constantly pouring rain.
On my shoulders. The nights seem to be getting colder. As days go on, I’m only getting older. And pretty soon, it’ll be our time once again, to resume, what we left here on Earth. At night, I still wear your favorite shirt. It helps me sleep. And keep living through this life. This struggle. It’s beautiful. It’s a beautiful struggle.

In Loving Memory Of All Of Those Who've Left This World To What We Hope Is A Better Place

Death Itself

I remember a few weeks back when MJ died- How'd i find out? Facebook. Who went to prom with who? Facebook. Who hates who? Facebook. Where's Cassie's next show at? Facebook. What's going on this weekend? Facebook! I'm not hating on it because I know I use it to get gamed up on what's going on around me too. It's just interesting what and how much of what you can actually find.

I'm getting to the point, i swear.

This morning I checked my facebook. A majority of the most recent statuses all read RIP ALEX. I know quiet a few Alex's so I hunted around to find out which one. Oh! That chick from my Spanish class. She died in a car accident. I didn't know the girl too well. The last time I saw her was last semester when I was riding the bus back home and we past through my old high school were she still went. We talked for a while & that was it. & this is now it. Poof! She's gone.

Now I'm sitting here and I'm so confused by her death. Granted I'm not going to cry over it but I feel sadness. And I'm ashamed to say it's not just because of her death. It's just because the Death Itself exists. Death itself is a strange entity. It's fear, sadness, pain, greif, and to me, it's weird. It's strange.

As i read through the statuses about how much she'll be missed, how upset people are, the memories she shared with others, and how life is just way too short to take things for granted-I keep playing images of all the good times I've had with people over and over in my head. I think of you and how it would be if you weren't here tomorrow. I think about my favorite memories with certain people from as far back as the third grade to memories from yesterday at 2am. I have too many memories and I've shared them with so many different and diverse people that I can't imagine losing any one of them. And if I did, depending on how close we were, it could possibly break me. I don't handle death well. I have both sets of grandparents still alive. The only people that I've been around that have died have been pretty much strangers or relatives I don't remember meeting. This is not to get mistaken- I've seen death all too often (but those are stories for another time) and it was never any particularly close.

It's fucked up, my mind is. But it's the way I was built and the events leading up to this moment in my life where I'm sitting here not sad, not unchanged, but confused, utterly confused.

Death takes a person away without settling disputes, without last kisses goodbye, without heartfelt hugs, and without much of anything. It comes and goes and takes away our most loved ones and leaves us stranded in the dark trying to process our emotions and feelings-blindsighted by pain.

It would be strange to see you lying there looking all peaceful in one of those funeral home caskets, surrounded by family who can't bear the sight of this but try to hold their compossure for as long as they possibly can.
Walking up to you and seeing that you're lifeless. I would wanna call you and tell you how strange you look right now lying there but I know you wouldn't answer. I would wanna go run to your door and knock as loud as I can, knowing you won't be there. I wanna touch you and feel your warm skin but I know you're as cold as ice. Reality would hit and I'd realize how awful this all really is and it would hurt me. You would hurt me.

The slideshows kill me at funerals but it's the single most important reason why I take soo many pictures when we all hang out. (emo i know) I wanna go through the pictures years from now and remember you and how we used to look and the way we used to dress and repeat the things you used to say. But as I'm looking through these photos I would wanna be able to call you and remind you of the times too. At funerals the pictures flash and people cry. People remember the memories, the good times, everything. It's like you're alive again and the picture becomes real and the moment plays like a movie clip in your head. And the picture changes and reality hits again. & you're not there. Can you imagine? Who would even want to? Me, I suppose.

I've asked alot of dumb questions. I get really emo with them too. I'm a depressing person some of the time. I just wonder and think too much. Among my favorite is the question that revolves around my death. What would you do if I died? What would those 1st 24 hours of knowing I'm no longer here be like for you? As a girl who likes to romantize I think about you saying things like I'll be so very sad, cry for days, won't wanna see the light of day, think of you every time I do this, when I hear this song play on the radio it'll make me wanna call you, whenever I go to this place I'll remember the time when we, etc. The list goes on. And though I wanna hear that from you because in a strange way it'll make me happy I know it's not the anwser I'll get. It's not the answer you wanna give because I should already know it'll be that way. Deep down I hope you know you've made a big impact on my life. Deep down I hope you know that I love you all and I think about each of you at random and wish you well. Deep down I hope you know that if you were gone tomorrow I wouldn't do anything but drink until it all just doesn't make sense anymore.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves because death comes and goes and takes away our beloved friends and family. But life comes and goes and you don't want that to pass you by (especially by sitting here pondering the end of it). I guess the only thing you can do is appreciate life and your loved ones. Here & now. Hope things won't change and you'll all forever stay the same.

You just don't know what you got til it's gone.